The same year I lost my son, I was committed to coaching an ultimate frisbee program. So I still went to tournaments and tried to do my job as a coach, but I admit it was weird. I found myself like really really caring about my players. Like an insane amount. And I became the guy who was just always optimizing. Other people would call lines, talk logistics and overarching strategy. I just kinda hugged people when they were sad, stood up for them if other teams got chippy, just made sure no one ever felt down. Made sure they always felt heard, wanted them to know I was there for them no matter what. Just trying to be an unconditional support system in a way I’d hoped I could’ve been for my son.

So when I watch Pop coaching now, I think I know how he feels a little bit. And let me say, it’s very cathartic to be able to influence young people positively. Grief will eat you apart in the darkness. But when you’re surrounded by your guys and you know that morale is good, and everybody feels supported. It’s not like you forget. But for a moment, you’re happy that you’ve been through so much shit because you feel properly equipped to help them get through anything that comes their way.

It’s a bittersweet experience.